Swans on a stream at a hazy dawn

"I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired."
- Fannie Lou Hamer
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"We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow,
To those who love us best."
- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
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"Happiness is good health and a bad memory."
- Ingrid Bergman

  A dove and its reflection in a calm pool

Finding Ourselves

We all have hang-ups, guilt and doubts about ourselves and how we are living our lives. Finding Ourselves is where I want to help you see inside yourself. Each time I will pick a topic that I see that many of you are asking about, doing or don't understand. I want to teach you why this behavior is happening, what brings it on, what is behind the behavior and how you might find positive ways to handle your lack of control, your frustration, pain and confusion.

Remember your 'behaviors' are 'symptoms' not causes. I want you to remember no matter what you are doing, have done or are thinking of doing it is not your 'fault', because you learned how to react. This is not 'you'. But now you are growing up and you are responsible for all of your actions and the consequences they bring. And you will, no matter what you think, pay for your actions one way or another. Learn how to make your consequences work for you so you can be and get what you want. You can have so much power over your life it is amazing; the difference in a winner and a loser is how you see and act on your behavior.

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Do We Need To Be Led Or Can We Lead Ourselves From Within?

I was thinking today and wanted to share this with you. I have studied society and the way we are "taught" to live according to societal "rules" and if we live outside of these pre-designed societal norms we are "judged" as different, weird, insane, sick, all the labels we put on people who are "different" because we are afraid of them, because that difference causes an unsettling in us. "We" as a society need to feel safe and know that everyone is following the same rules so that we feel a sense of control, of belonging, and a sense of predictability. As I looked at this "tribal" way of thinking that all societies invent for the above reasons, I also know that if something makes us "different" we fit into four classes. We can be sanely "different" where we are radical, or we stand for something outside of the "norm" like, say, Gloria Steinam, where she is respected for her difference yet she still follows many societal norms so we are able to "make room" for her difference in thinking; but she is still accepted as part of the tribe. Then there is being "deviant" where we are different for a singular reason like we are a "robber" or a "child abuser" or something that has taken away our ability to "fit" into any acceptable part of society because of that deviance." Then there is what I would call a "nonconformist." This type of person is on the "fringe" of society either by choice or by fate. This would include, but is not limited to, a "biker outlaw", a homeless person, a person who chooses to drop out of society like a "hippie" type did in the 60s. The last group of people would fall under some kind of "insanity." They are people who are just unable to "cope" in any way with life for many reasons including extreme mental illness.Now these 4 different classes of "outside the tribe" groups have degrees that are judged by society as acceptable, unacceptable, punishable and just too far out of it for us to even comprehend.
Why do we need this "appearance" of the societal norm? I thought about this as I wondered why we seek out to believe in people who have shown us that they are not what they appear to be just so we can feel that sense of security of the patriarchal norm. Even today we need this type of person to believe in. This is shown over an over again in who we elect to official office even though when we are asked we state that we know that these people are not out for our best interests and that many are corrupted. How many black men or women or any minority holds the highest offices of the land? How many minority groups rise to the top of our respected professions where we show that we need that patriarchal father image? If you stop and think about it, we really do turn a blind eye to and also submit ourselves to the white Anglo-Saxon male as the "figurehead" of anything that the tribe has deemed of greatest power in this country.
We will also take much more domination, give more obedience to and overlook what we would not overlook in another group of people, yet give an almost childlike "belief in" acceptance of the patriarchal figure. We also adopt this mindset in our religions too. In every religion we need a figurehead and among all dominate religions of this country, well in the world, it is a male that is of the tribes heritage. Now all of this is speaking of the "norm" in our society and it has made me wonder why when any other "ethnic" is among one of these 4 differences, we as a society judge them much more harshly than we do the patriarchal figures? We are quick to judge every other ethnic group and slow to judge or even start to question the patriarchal figures in our society.I have felt this difference to a great degree since I have become ill and from that I have watched and assessed my theory and find it to run true throughout our society. My credibility has taken a much greater beating since I have become ill and since I have lost my tribally accepted station in life. Yet, even when I was married to my patriarchal husband I was given more latitude when he was with me and I was treated much more judgmentally when I was alone, especially in the area of my credibility in dealing with my illnesses. My husband was immediately respected and he had to "work" his way out of that acceptance, whereas I was immediately "suspect" and had to work my way into credibility. I have even found this label of needing to prove myself first among my "peers" of ill women. It was hard enough as a woman to gain respect in my profession and as a woman. I found that I had to work much harder to be taken seriously in my profession whereas my husband who held the exact same title and exact same credentials as me was immediately respected and even turned to first in any "leader" situation. I who had many more years of experience and much more competence at the time was overlooked. I had to prove and defend my decisions or opinions to my patriarch-run corporation. My husband was sought out by the men with status and of all the women for his opinion even if he would admit to me he was wrong or didnt know the answer. I also know if I even challenged any of those at the top of the hierarchy not only would there be a huge investigation I would probably been given a warning and told if I ever did that again I would be disciplined. Whereas my husband would challenge these same men, he would be given an audience and great respect for what he had to say. It was very obvious that it was a socially acceptable behavior for him to stand man to man and speak his peace where it was also well known that it was not socially or professionally acceptable for me to speak; I was to "follow" orders as I was "the nurse." I guess my husband was a doctor in a nurses uniform. Yet in my profession which at the time was nursing my peers were mostly women and even they would rely and believe my husband without a word of question even if he didnt know what he was talking about they made many excuses for why he didnt know so that they could keep their respect in him. This need to have a patriarch in charge and needing to give him much greater margin of error than any of the women gave each other or to me. What is it that causes this need in our society where we need to have our fathers to stay in charge of our lives throughout our lives? Does this say something about ourselves that we really dont want to take control over our lives and no matter what we need to have this patriarchal figure to believe in for our sense of safety and sanity? If the world came into chaos do we need to have this figure to come out and calm us down and tell us that everything is under control? Can we not turn inward and find enough within ourselves?I have read about how "we" as a society still hold women in second class status and that women are not believed in the area of credibility as men are.
The proof of this lies in the fact that when women enter the work force and as they hold more powerful positions they start shedding their feminine identity. They wear more male type clothing that hides their sex. They start to walk, talk and take on more male mannerisms and become more aggressive and take on the personalities of their male counterparts. We didnt enter the work force and take what we had learned from the patriarchal mistakes of running the society and use that knowledge to bring new insight and strengths that are only owned by women to make positive changes in our society.We just changed into female men and we are making the same mistakes and having the same shortcomings as men. It is sad to me that women are ashamed of who they are and hide their sex and our powerful gifts that were given to us through nature and God. We have powers that are envious and that any man would love to have. I have many men tell me secretly what strengths they see in women and that is why they find them somewhat threatening.
We as women again have been dominated and believed what our male counterparts have told us to believe. We have given ourselves up again. I can not find a religion, a powerful organization, a judicial system, a government system or any important anything where power is of the most importance, where there is not a patriarch at the top of the hierarchy.
I also can not find an interaction where there has to be a right and wrong where a patriarch would not be able to dominate the situation and would always be respected as the more knowledgeable or generator of the most acceptable outcome.
When I started my business I immediately bought pink rose printed business cards. I dress and act very much like a woman because I was so proud of the difference that I brought to the tribe. I quickly found out that even my female counterparts did not have the respect for me that they showed to women who dressed and acted like men. This saddened me when I became ill and I found more of my credibility worn away.
I have this wonderful Life Process that works and is so proven and so wonderful that I can not stop thinking about it, living it or talking about it. Yet I question that I am not tribally successful nor am I a patriarchal motivational speaker who is making so much money off of all of this societys inherent need to be lead and validated by a patriarchal figure. Can I be credible as a woman, not tribally successful anymore, stay a woman, and bring what I consider the great gifts of being a woman into a perspective that I believe will bring people the peace and oneness to find themselves and live their lives?Last I want to ask you what is the difference in Dr. Laura and Dr. Phil and the trendy therapy of the 70s? Why is it that Dr. Phil can do what Dr. Laura did and what has been done throughout time as the patriarchal-type therapy approach, yet he is being looked at as something new and different? Dr. Laura has been taken down many roads for the same behavior and type of therapy approach. Through Oprahs ratings Dr. Phil is favored for his father way of approaching us to get us to face what is "wrong" with us and that what is "wrong" with us seems to follow the tribal definition of a man. Do women really need to change into their male counterparts or do we have these powerful gifts that I find so strong and necessary and a vital part of what society does not have enough of that make up The Life Process?

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