Swans on a stream at a hazy dawn


"We are, each of us, our own prisoner. We are locked up in our own story."
- Maxine Kumin
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"Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life."
- Sophia Loren
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"A mother is not a person to lean on but a person to make leaning unnecessary."
- Dorothy Canfield Fisher

  A dove and its reflection in a calm pool

Finding Ourselves

We all have hang-ups, guilt and doubts about ourselves and how we are living our lives. Finding Ourselves is where I want to help you see inside yourself. Each time I will pick a topic that I see that many of you are asking about, doing or don't understand. I want to teach you why this behavior is happening, what brings it on, what is behind the behavior and how you might find positive ways to handle your lack of control, your frustration, pain and confusion.

Remember your 'behaviors' are 'symptoms' not causes. I want you to remember no matter what you are doing, have done or are thinking of doing it is not your 'fault', because you learned how to react. This is not 'you'. But now you are growing up and you are responsible for all of your actions and the consequences they bring. And you will, no matter what you think, pay for your actions one way or another. Learn how to make your consequences work for you so you can be and get what you want. You can have so much power over your life it is amazing; the difference in a winner and a loser is how you see and act on your behavior.

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See to Yourself

How much of what you talk about doing and changing in your life do you really follow through on?
We all have the best of intentions especially when something like a good friend suddenly dying of a heart attack when they were sweeping the drive way. We swear we are going to join the gym that we have been talking about for 5 years. We make promises that we are going to go work out 3 times a week, eat better foods and really stop and smell the roses. Then as time goes by and we get wrapped up again in our hurried life styles and the shock and trauma of our friend dying so suddenly gets pushed further and further back from our conscious thinking. After a while we forget all together what all we said in our time of fear and sorrow. Now we are focused on our real priorities again, the dead line on this new report, the speech we have to present to the big wigs and Susie having her tonsils out next week. Stop and think for a minute where in your daily schedule you have written in time for "taking care of myself"?? I doubt if you do. I am pretty sure that your lack of making time for yourself as a priority shows in your outward appearance. I bet I could pick you out of a crowd as a person who is over stressed, with your mind preoccupied and not a very happy look fixed on your face.
Everything in your life needs to start with you. If you don't take care of you and make sure all your needs are being met anything that grows out from you, your job, your love life, your friends, your family, your life will not be taken care of either. How much of your life do you spend "putting out fires" or correcting something "after the fact?" How much of your life do you spend being "proactive?" If you are not being "proactive" with your own self then you are not "proactive" with the rest of your life. All of this leads back to "you" to be all things to all people except to "yourself." If I am wrong about this, why is it that you don't have "time for "yourself" factored into your daily schedule? How much time do you spend babying yourself and working at making sure you are in the best possible physical, mental and spiritual condition that you can be?
We sacrifice ourselves first. If you are not the best "you" that you can be in every sense of the word you will not be able to give your best to any thing else in your life including your children and your mate. Just like your lawn and garden that you probably put much more time in nurturing than yourself. This lawn takes time to cultivate, plant and care for so does your self growth, your health and your mental health. Your life will be constantly running you. There goes your power. In every situation we set ourselves up to loose our power. This kind of life style does not allow for you to be calm inside or provide you with "feeling" the moments in your day that bring you a sense of "peace" and fulfillment. When was the last time you remember just being with yourself where you were calm, at peace and filled throughout your being? Our person needs mental and emotional food to grow and to take us back to our true selves. We don't just "exist" and then "become" in our lives. Everyone that works at being successful on the inside as a person, their outside life takes care of itself. To grow "into" a complete and evolved person takes just as much work and time as your job does and hopefully raising your children and developing your relationship with your mate does. Whatever we focus on and spend our time on is what is cultivated in our lives. If we don't focus on finding our true selves, working through our issues, nourishing our minds, take care of our bodies we will not evolve nor work past what keeps us from being totally at peace in our own skin. Our lives spin out of control, there are not enough hours in the day, no time to share ourselves with our families. Before you know it your life is just made up of "tasks and playing beat the clock. We end up going from one obligation and appointment to another. This is what makes up our lives. Then on weekends we play "catch up" time, mow the lawn, clean the house, still tasks always tasks. Step back and look at your life from the outside stop see what makes up your life. Do you "fill" your life with outward functions? Are you busy either working, shopping, taking the kids places, eating out with others, partying with people, joining clubs with others, exercise with others? Is your life filled with things that keep you so busy you can't remember the last time you actually spent time thinking and focusing on yourself?
At the end of the day you still go to sleep alone and you will always have those moments before you sleep where you will be with yourself. To become a fulfilled complete and evolving being you have to add yourself to your "to do" list and spend the time working through your self issues and find the answers to yourself that will then radiate out and become the answers for your life. It does all start with "you." If you do what it takes to nurture and develop yourself into all that you can and need to be, everything else will naturally fall in line with your life. This is another "natural law." We have a hard time trusting in these laws and they do take faith until you see them work perfectly. They bring the results you dream of and bring unexpected gifts you never expected.
Take care of "you" and life will bring to you all that you want. It all comes so easy you almost feel guilty taking and living out how terribly easy and fulfilling this life that comes together just for you because you applied and followed one of the natural laws. Sound too good to be true we are all skeptics because we are taught to be but I can show you living examples and people believe it is all completely natural and normal for life to work out just so right for them. When you are ready to find some answers to your life and get tired of the way you are headed stop and just "pencil" in on your schedule time for yourself. Take the time you allotted for yourself, spend that time alone and let the "present" come inside and then just be with yourself, getting in touch with your true self deep inside of your heart. See what comes of these special times with yourself. I bet you that you will find a gift each time you practice this one act of caring for yourself.

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