Two people on rock looking up at cosmos at night

"God gives us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends!"
- Ethel Watts Mumford
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"Nothing is interesting if you're not interested."
- Helen MacInness
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"What do we live for, if it is not to make life less difficult for each other?"
- George Eliot

  A dove and its reflection in a calm pool

Finding Ourselves

We all have hang-ups, guilt and doubts about ourselves and how we are living our lives. Finding Ourselves is where I want to help you see inside yourself. Each time I will pick a topic that I see that many of you are asking about, doing or don't understand. I want to teach you why this behavior is happening, what brings it on, what is behind the behavior and how you might find positive ways to handle your lack of control, your frustration, pain and confusion.

Remember your 'behaviors' are 'symptoms' not causes. I want you to remember no matter what you are doing, have done or are thinking of doing it is not your 'fault', because you learned how to react. This is not 'you'. But now you are growing up and you are responsible for all of your actions and the consequences they bring. And you will, no matter what you think, pay for your actions one way or another. Learn how to make your consequences work for you so you can be and get what you want. You can have so much power over your life it is amazing; the difference in a winner and a loser is how you see and act on your behavior.

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Don't Complain Don't Explain

I would like to challenge you to look at yourself and see if you can relate to this part of the life process.
I am focusing on this part of the life process because I am hearing it more and more from people who I know and who are writing to me.
Another "natural law" is "Don't complain Don't explain"
We don't seem to have a problem "accepting" the positive and good things that come into our lives. Well, except those people who have an issue with not feeling they are deserving of good things in their life, but that is another topic that I will discuss later. Let's stick with the concept that we don't stop and find fault with God, our lives, or other people when something good comes into our lives. In fact we don't seem to stop and think about the good that comes into our lives, not the way we do if something bad happens to us. When something bad happens, be it illness, an assault on any part of our lives, a natural disaster, we stop and find it hard to work through what has happened to us. We question "why me" or wonder if we deserved what has happened or a thousand other thoughts and feelings run through our whole being. We tend get angry and need to blame someone or something outside of ourselves. We don't "blame" anyone or anything if something good happens to us. But the point being, we do find plenty of thoughts and feelings when something negative happens in our lives, yet when something good happens we assume that is what should happen in our lives. That is where the "don't complain" comes in. Life is balanced and we all will have a certain amount of what we consider "bad" things happen in our lives and a certain amount of "good" things that happen in our lives. What we fail to take into consideration is the purpose of these so called "bad" things that come to us. If we could come outside of "self centered" ego part of "self", which is the part that we react with first in any stressful situation. We are all capable of working past our egos and getting in touch with our true selves, which is the part of us that does the reasoning and processing of all stimuli that comes towards us be that stimuli negative or stressful. If we can transcend ourselves past our egos to our true selves then we could see that all painful circumstances are brought to us for a reason. How many people "learn" or "grow" from the good or pleasant things that are brought to us? Well, none I venture to say. We enjoy and cherish even praise God for them but they just aren't the stimuli that cause us to stop and reach deep down inside of ourselves to find our truth. This "natural law" of life is saying that there is a part of our being that is to "grow" to evolve and become more of who we are deep inside our true self. We seem to need to have lessons brought to us that will make us stop and look at ourselves. It is not our choice what lessons will be brought to us, but it is our choice how we react and handle what is brought to us. No matter how bad we perceive these circumstances to be and they can be just devastating. We just aren't privy to understand the "big picture" of why something is being brought to us. I have no answers to why a particular event has to happen to you, just that it is a lesson and in the end you will be able see the good and the growth within your grief. This is the "don't complain" of this natural law. We are more than willing to accept all of the good and wonderful gifts that are brought into our lives. If we are willing to accept positive gifts that we are given, we also have to accept the other side of what balances out our lives, the lessons that hurt and take pain to work through. Like everything in life if we accept one part of something we also have to accept the other side because everything in life has two sides.
The "don't explain" part of this natural law is that whatever you do or whatever you believe or whatever you are, this is "your" private journey in life. Even if there are really bad things that you have done it is still your life journey and it is between you and your God conscious. Explaining is basically an excuse and there are no excuses in life. You may make excuses but according to life there are no excuses. If you stop and think about what excuses are there really are no excuses. What good is that word anyway?
If you do something that needs to be explained why you did it in the first place? Whether you like the laws of life or not another natural law is that we are all responsible for our actions, no matter what. Explaining why we did an action is really just a waste because we did it and we either wanted to do the action or we did it out of ignorance. Either way these are not explanations that change a thing about the outcome of our actions. We can "apologize" if it was ignorance and if it was what we wanted to do then we need to take responsibility for our actions. I have never had a situation where someone did something hurtful to me and then came to explain to me "why" they did it, and then I thought "oh ok yeah now I feel alright about the whole thing." The only thing that explaining does is "ease" the explainers conscience. That is not taking responsibility for our actions and no matter how much we "explain" away our life, someday we will be accountable for our actions, we always are, that is the "natural law."
You can never change or outsmart a natural law. That is why I feel it is so important to learn these natural laws. We can work with natural laws and we can make them work for us IF we know and understand them. Whether we like these natural laws or not they are real and working in our lives whether we want them to or not. That is why I feel it is so important to take you through as many of these natural laws that I know. I have seen the remarkable difference in my own life by knowing, understanding and following these natural laws. I have also found I never stop learning more and more of these natural laws now that I understand them and know how to find them.
As I tell you there is an answer to every question in your life. The way to find those answers is to learn these natural laws. One more step towards you taking back your power and taking back your life.

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