Kitty sees a lion in the mirror

"We learn the inner secret of happiness when we learn to direct our inner drives, our interest and our attention to something outside ourselves."
- Ethel Percy Andrus
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"To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves."
- Ariel and Will Durant
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"To keep a lamp burning we have to keep putting oil in it."
- Mother Teresa

  A dove and its reflection in a calm pool

Finding Ourselves

We all have hang-ups, guilt and doubts about ourselves and how we are living our lives. Finding Ourselves is where I want to help you see inside yourself. Each time I will pick a topic that I see that many of you are asking about, doing or don't understand. I want to teach you why this behavior is happening, what brings it on, what is behind the behavior and how you might find positive ways to handle your lack of control, your frustration, pain and confusion.

Remember your 'behaviors' are 'symptoms' not causes. I want you to remember no matter what you are doing, have done or are thinking of doing it is not your 'fault', because you learned how to react. This is not 'you'. But now you are growing up and you are responsible for all of your actions and the consequences they bring. And you will, no matter what you think, pay for your actions one way or another. Learn how to make your consequences work for you so you can be and get what you want. You can have so much power over your life it is amazing; the difference in a winner and a loser is how you see and act on your behavior.

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Topic Number 3 of How Not To Be a Victim

This is the 3rd part in a 5 part series about how to take control of your life. If you missed the first two we will eventually have an index up with all of the past writing. Until then even if you missed the past two if you start with this one about perceptions you will be able to know what you need to so that you can take control over your life and know how to change what you want to change in yourself. This is very powerful information I just wish I had known it years ago when I was discovering myself and dealing with life issues. Please take advantage of this series it is the "key" to everyones life and how to work through your issues.Now on to the next step in "taking back your life", your perceptions. It all starts here. We have perceptions, which give us how we view everything. This is where we all set up our own frame of reference. You and I can both look at the exact same simple black line across a white background and even at that simple level we each can see the length of that line differently. Now when you get to more complicated perceptions, as in looking at a picture we all really take off in different directions. Then there are all our self and life perceptions on how we see ourselves, our lives, our families, our jobs, and our mates. We form perceptions on everything that touches our lives in any way. We form perceptions that we are not even aware of because our minds are working and assessing every kind of stimuli that comes at us and makes decisions about them and places them in a category in our memories. So, we are all walking around with all these perceptions that we have formed through our life experiences and our contacts with every person we have met. But our basic perceptions, as with everything else that forms our basic self, was formed in our childhood by our parental figures. Go back to the beginning on how we formed our basic perceptions, the parental figure who treats us in a controlling way so they can keep some sense of control over us as we go through the growing up years. According to how much you were led to believe that you had no power, that you were insignificant, that you had no voice or that you were a bad child, these are your perceptions of yourself. You will carry these into adulthood and form relationships that will validate the continuation of these feelings towards yourself. Even though we are out of our parental control, since our basic belief system was formed by these parental concepts of how they saw us, we will continue to attract people who will keep treating us like our parents or other adults treated us. This is where unless we become aware of what we are doing and take back our control to change these perceptions and then our behavior, we will stay in the same patterns that we grew up with. That is how abusers raise abusers, alcoholics raise alcoholics and so on. Even though somewhere in us we know we dont want to be like the dysfunctional parts of our parents and we dont want to be with someone who treats us same way our parental figures, we will unconsciously go for both. But if you become aware that this is happening in your life you can then change these patterns and then attract different kinds of people into your life.To go back to perceptions that are unconsciously ours, even though we are not attracting what we would like to attract we will continue this behavior until we consciously make the effort to change ourselves. To become aware of our attractions and to change them is very difficult to do even though we dont want or like a certain behavior coming at us. We will continue on attracting these dysfunctional patterns because they bring safe and familiar feelings to us. We at least know even though these behaviors are unhealthy, we are familiar with the results because they are predictable to us since we have been patterning ourselves by these behaviors for most of our lives. This is when you ask the question to yourself sometime in life, "how did I end up like this"; this is how you ended up like this.See if we become aware of what we are doing, who we are and how all of this came to be, then we can see how to change ourselves and our lives to make both of these the way we want them to be. With all of this is awareness and learning you need to know how it all works and how to apply it to your life situation. If you dont know that you have all of these perceptions, behaviors, feelings, attitudes and so on and you dont know how they originated and that they are changeable, you will just stay clueless where life keeps spinning out of control. But we do have the ability to change anything about ourselves, about our makeup and about our lives. It all leads back to childhood and how our belief system was formed about ourselves, our families, our lives, and our futures. So, to take you back where it all started and to see how this all comes together, you can then figure out on your own what your perceptions, beliefs, behaviors and attitudes are and change the ones you want to and keep the ones you want. This is how we take back our power and control over our destinies.Now you are ready to consciously decide to change the perceptions that make you attract behaviors you do not wish to attract. This next concept may be difficult to believe, nonetheless it is very true, to change the external part of your life and not your internal perceptions, will just change that situation you are in. But you will find yourself back in the same situation again just new players and new surroundings. That is why people find it so hard to "break the pattern" of what they are bringing into their lives. We all know the story of a battered woman, she gets out of one abusive relationship and ends right back in another abusive relationship and people say "why does she keep doing this?" Well, it is because she is only changing the outside situation, leaving the abuser. But until she changes her perceptions that revolve in her attracting abusive men she will keep going into abusive relationships.
To change anything in our life situations we have to change our perceptions inside of us and when we do that the external parts of our lives will change automatically you can just go on with your life and let the changes happen on their own. It is really fascinating to watch. See all power comes from within you and all your control comes from within you. This is really powerful information to know. So if you want to change anything in your life be it yourself or anything that you are involved with, dont bother to just change your surroundings or your job or your mate or whatever. You will just attract and get into the same situation again unless you change the perceptions that are all tangled up in what has developed into you attracting this kind of situation.This really simplifies our lives a lot, to know you dont have to change anything outside of yourself. Change you and your life will change. I have just handed you a lot of power. So, now you know to make any reality changes in your life you must first change your perceptions and then everything else will change automatically. Once you change your perceptions you will then stop attracting whatever your old perception attracted and you will start attracting what your new perceptions attract.Knowledge is Power, now you have the knowledge to change your life. It is up to you to turn that knowledge into power.

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